Japan First And How Thailand Was Much Better: Part 2

It's Siam from The King and I with no Yul Brenner. Eh... Brenner was Russian anyway.

Hopefully, you know my thoughts on Japan. They were not very kind. Japan is not the futuristic paradise you imagine, but more of an everyday first-world country filled with workaholics and a declining birthrate. It sounds like fixing one of those could fix both, but I've never run a country before.

This singular trip was different than other trips because it contained two different countries. I went to Japan then flipped it and went to Thailand. The differences between the two are stark. They're not particularly close to each other, don't share any particular history (as far as I'm aware), and (seem to) stay out of each other's way. All of this could be wrong, but this is an opinion piece so please comment and let me know any facts you've picked up.

For me, the differences between the two were night and day, but I also played them differently as well. We left Tokyo, Japan, and flew into Bangkok, Thailand. At the airport, we waited for a bus to take us two hours to Pattaya City. Now, this was a "tag along" trip for me. I wanted to see if I could still travel the world like I used to. This perspective made me a more secondary character on this journey. So I had kind of forgotten what I had been told about Pattaya by all my friend’s older fathers. When I finally got there I saw all men of all ethnicities paired up with younger Thai girlfriends and I slowly started to remember...

Due to a mistake by my travel partner, I ended up getting abandoned at Burger King in the middle of the night. I was trying to set up wifi to get directions to where we needed to go. I looked up and he was gone. It was rude and I was upset; unfortunately, I still couldn't get the BK WiFi to work on my own. I needed the staff to let me use their internet and they were kind enough to call a taxi to take me to my hostel. Just like in Japan, I was staying in a hostel. At least this hostel didn't serve breakfast for me to be upset by. However, it had more of a brothel vibe, which I picked up on as I was shown around. I found it interesting how my female guide kept mentioning "bringing girls back." Slowly, I started to remember...

I used my new WiFi to receive texts from my travel partner that found a cab he had to hustle to get into. I told him how upset I was that he abandoned me in a new country and that he should tell me what he was doing so I could report it to his family if something bad happened to him. He got it and we made up. I stayed in that night because it was nice to have my own room for a change. I had one back in the US, but my house is so filled with people I always feel like I can't do things like turn the TV up too loud, solo yoga, or vertical shoulder presses to stay swole. It was nice to get back to that.

The next night, I finally got to hook up with my partner and meet his friends. He'd talked about these guys a few time and it was nice putting names to faces. I met up with these guys at a place they called a "Go Go Bar" where several Thai women are trying to get you to buy drinks. That sounds fun if you were into drinking and liked "Skinny Minnies," but I'm sober and I don't like tiny women so it's more annoying to me than it was to these other guys. Still... I was slowly starting to remember…

We decided to get out of there pretty soon and went to a nighttime Thai fair to grab something to eat. We went in and I was able to do one of my favorite Southeast Asia activities and enjoy coconut water out of a coconut. I used to do that all the time when I lived in Cambodia, and it was nice to suck the sweet coconut liquid once again. We also ran into a very young kid playing the guitar and singing older Bruno Mars songs before swinging into Oasis. His name was Anderson and he was a great player so I took a seat up front to watch... aaaand because I wanted to join in. I was shocked when he let me.

I started singing along to the songs he played and asked politely if I could do one. He agreed, handed me his wireless mic and I did the same thing I would do in Cambodia when meeting a new guitar player. I would choose an old-school song they hopefully knew how to play. I asked Anderson if he could play Stand By Me by Ben E. King. He said he couldn't, but he'd give it a shot. I jumped up, talked to the crowd, and did my thing. Lots of people started filming and Anderson was excited and said this was the most he'd ever been tipped playing out here in front of his Uncle's shop. He was probably just trying to make me feel good, but it worked. We did a few more songs, before the gang and I said goodbye and split.

The boys were finally ready to do what it was they came there to do. That was when it hit me. They might be there to find women and pay to have sex with them. My memories of everything I'd been told about Pattaya came flooding back. We wandered down a street containing all the Go Go Bars and ran into the most aggressive women I've ever come across. They grabbed hands, hooked arms, and pulled you to the bars they worked for. They'll even palm your crotch. They are sexually unstoppable. Once one grabbed my nipple I put my fists up and acted like a wounded animal. I had to get out of there, so that's what I did. I told these guys I was out of there and swooshed out like a Nike symbol.

Uh Duh! You're cheating on her! Why wouldn't she cheat on you?

I was confused. This sort of thing felt terrible to me, and I wondered based on what I had seen if I was in the minority. Foreign men came to Pattaya City to have sex with Thai women, get Thai girlfriends, and cheat on their wives. I'd never been so close enough to this world before. The objectification of women that comes along with this outlook is too much for me to take. I took a moto back to my hostel and let the wind blow my problems away, but I forgot that had made plans to hang out with a friend I made during my first year in Cambodia who happened to be living in Pattaya. He had just gotten out of a business meeting and was ready to kick it a bit. Other than singing and advising lil' Anderson, meeting up with Alondo really turned my trip around.

Alondo came over to the spot I was hanging out from earlier in the day. We grabbed some food and had a late dinner. It wasn't long before we started talking about the Go Go Bars that Pattaya is known for. He told me he had a similar impression of Pattaya, but the town had a lot more than what was on the surface. He'd first come to Pattaya for some business, but once he got there he decided to stick around for the golf games. Pattaya is also known for having a vibrant golf community with courses and communities centered around it. I thought back to all the travelers who brought golf clubs with them. I didn’t notice at the time, but there were a lot. Alondo said it had been about 6 years since he played, but he was a big fan of golf, and joining one of the golfing organizations that met up at bars around town kept him in Pattaya for a while.

I had no idea about any of this. Most of the golf I played was mini, though I did get a chance to play big golf with a friend’s dad once. It felt a lot like that King of the Hill episode where Hank Hill gets really into something Joseph Gribble is into and neglects his son Bobby. So despite my "Tiger Woods" swing at the time, I didn't bother picking golf up or playing with my friend's father ever again. I also worked at Golfsmith much later which I remembered right this second and took my friend Gary to the 3 day golf seminar you get as part of your employment package. At the seminar, I ended up feeling a lot like I made my old friend feel because Gary used to play golf in high school. He was so good!

In any case, Alondo wanted to show me what Pattaya was like outside of having sex with Thai women. So we got on one of their truck buses that take you around and let you look out at the beach and see more of the town. We went to a spot called Walking Street and I was back in my element all over again. There were bands playing and DJs spinning. There were also a few men trying to get us to watch sex shows or Russian dancing girls, but it still felt familiar to me. It felt like 6th Street in Austin did back when I was in college. Walking Street felt like a real place and I loved it.

Alondo and Mike hanging out on Walking Street (See... I don't have a joke for everything)

Alondo and I checked out a cover band that played the most popular songs from a decade ago because “Party Rock is in the house tonight.” There were a lot I used to hate like I Got A Feeling that didn't inspire the same disdain in me anymore. Alondo and I weren't drinking or anything. We just kicked it like old bros who hadn't seen each other in years.

Rather than let the night end where it should of, Alondo and I did the most unholy of holy things we could and stopped off at a 24-hour McDonald’s on the way back to my hostel. He wanted an apple pie, but Thai McDonalds only had corn pies. I had one and it was... corny. We shared a bit about our lives, talked about the good times and the bad ones, and what was coming up next for each of us as he was heading back home to help his sister out and help take care of his nephew.

Alondo also told me was all too aware of the sexism and objectification around Pattaya. He also understood why it was hard for me to be into it since he wasn't into it either. Somehow, we started talking about "the red pill," Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), Fresh and Fit, Andrew Tate, and how terrible all of these male figures were. I finally began to understand this whole situation.

These types of men weren't into sex or the love of partying. These types of men were into control. They would say it was about finding a "more traditional woman" to be with, but it was really finding someone new they could control. It could have started over a broken heart or terrible relationship, but the way many men get over it isn't therapy or becoming a monk. They do it by finding newer, younger women as a bit of a fuck you to society. It's anti-radical and anti-punk. It's everything that made these men hate their fathers.

At least... that's my opinion.

Other people (like my father) might feel differently, but this conversation with Alondo caused me to see all of my friends a little differently including the ones I came here with. I started thinking about things he said and the programs he watches and recognizing how the ways myself and these men I don't agree with could mean more than it seems.

At the beginning of the earlier ride to Bangkok, I was seated up front because I was as wide as all outside. I had my earbuds in my ears, but they weren't on, so I could listen to the conversation my friends were having in the back. Due to my conversation with Alondo, the 8-month Pattaya resident, the things being said were becoming more difficult to hear:

• Oh, I remember her. That bitch was cute.

• Oh yeah, that guy sucks with women. He needs a coach. Did you coach him?

• He seems to like dating that girl that kicks his ass so I'll let him deal with it.

• She was hot. Did you fuck her?

I was disgusted and angry. It felt like the sex worker touching the nipple in my mind. That wounded animal feeling was back. When you get that notion that it's time to go, trust yourself and leave. Don't worry about what your friends will think. When it's time to go you go, and don't bother with apologies until later.

Once we got to our hotel, I realized I had to check myself in. I’m typically more of a “sleep over” guy so this was a strange thing for me to do. Those guys had a three-person room in a different building from the one I was in. Never in my life had I appreciated a sudden split. These friends just weren't for me. They were into a different kind of fun that I was not interested in. I think I'm more of a pacifier than an objectifier... so suck on that, dude gang.

One Night In Bangkok

Checking myself into my own single hotel room might have been what saved the trip for me. I unpack my things, set up a pimpin' outfit to party in for later that night, and for the first time since 2000 got room service (The first time was waiting for my episode of MTV Fear to start 😰) I ordered a burger made just the way I like it: with no cheese and a hard-fried egg on top. They delivered it to my room and it was so sweet. The hamburger tasted as if it fell from the taint of the Gods. It was an epic moment for a less-than-epic trip.

After I completed my burger and took my second shower in my solitary bathroom, I fell asleep in the most comfortable bed I've slept in including my bed at home. I was knocked out for 3 hours. When I awoke, the boys were already gone. I had a couple of texts from my travel partner that went unanswered. They were already out, but I wasn’t up for doing things with them anyway. What should I do now? I put on my pimpin' tracksuit, my matching “STOCKHOLM” hat, and my white Vibram ninja shoes and decided if I have one night in Bangkok the world should be my oyster.

I hit the Bangkok streets on my own. I was two feet outside the hotel when a tuk-tuk driver called me over. He saw my outfit and called me "Hip-Hop." I thought that was funny and asked him where he thought I should go. He mentioned a market so I got in and he started heading that way, but it was already 9 pm and I was not interested in spending any more money. I felt he was moving too far from the hotel so I leaned forward and asked where I could party at. The tuk-tuk driver asked if I liked latin music. I said, "Of course I do. Let's go there." So he turned his bike carriage around and took me to one of the coolest bar experiences I've ever had. A place called Havana.

He dropped me off at an alley, asked me for another 100 baht I didn't think he deserved but gave him anyway. He pointed in the direction I should go and off I went. There is a string of small drinking places down this alley. I finally find Havana. It's 9:15 in Bangkok and I paid 400 baht ($14) and walked into a bar that had 2 to 3 couples in it. At least that price came with a free drink. While I've been sober since I got cancer 2.5 years ago, I figured a mojito wouldn't hurt if I drank it slowly and went ahead and got one. I wasn't sure if I was at the right place, but I was proven wrong in a hurry as a live band took the area above the dance floor and more people started filing in. This band was incredible. They started playing Latin songs I recognized from my time in Cambodia and my childhood. Suavemente by Elvis Crespo. one of the best songs in the world, was on tap with this group of musicians.

The band was so high they were very hard to shoot.

I put on one of the Cuban hats laid out across the bar and danced the cha-cha and the salsa all alone until three women showed up and started dancing next to me. I struck up a conversation with them and we danced all night until two in the morning. I ran into a lot of long-term expats or people from other countries who lived and worked in Bangkok. Once the band finished a DJ took over as scores of people kept coming in and we couldn't stop "blaming it on the boogie" all night long. My new friends were even kind enough to walk me back to my hotel.

My night in Bangkok reminded me of my time living in Cambodia. I'd go out, meet new people, dance all night, and head home with nothing but a smile. Sometimes with a hook up, but that was never my intention. It was just a thing that happened sometimes. I was happy to be back in that situation again. It was a combination of the old and new that made Thailand such a worthwhile experience for me in 2024.

Did You Learn Anything?

Of course, I did!

I learned that my idea of fun might not match that of other people. I like dancing and going to clubs. I like performing with virtually anyone. I like blaming it on the boogie. One thing my travel partner said stands out to me, "I know you like that kind of stuff, but you have a superpower." I never thought of my desire to perform and party as a superpower, but I guess he had a point.  I’ll try to keep that in mind going forward. I might call myself “Super Mike” the next time I’m out.

That is a hell of a golf course, Pattaya City (picture from GolfAsian.com)

I also learned that despite Pattaya's reputation, there are many more things to do there. This is especially true for anyone into golf. I'm not much of a golf guy, but I'll keep that in mind if I ever head back that way. Checking out a golf tourney is way better than hanging out at "Cheat on your Wife" bars. That's just not my scene.

So I would like to thank Thailand for providing the fun I needed to put back in life, and for proving I can still travel the world and have and enjoy it. I needed this. If you're feeling assed out but not completely busted, maybe you need it too.